Kubler Ross: Stages of Grief
Grief and loss is hard for anyone. For people who have lived most of their lives with their partner, it is incredibly difficult; for people who re-married late in life and subsequently lost their partner through illness and death, it can seem just as hard as they feel they had too little time with their partner. Widows who are baby boomers and also widowers might require special help to overcome grief and get back on the road to emotionally healthy living as early as possible.
As always, when addressing the problem of grief and loss, time is the key to healing the pain. Baby boomers with a history of affection with a lifelong partner might face a life change that they might not necessarily be prepared for. At these times it is important to recognize and acknowledge that a period of reflection is helpful.
When dealing with grief and loss, friends and family who are close to the bereaved sometimes press for an immediate change of environment to help accelerate the healing process. While suggestions are nearly always made with the bereaved person’s best interests at heart, it is not always beneficial to pull the person away from familiar surroundings and the comfort of warm memories.
Each grieving person is different and reacts differently to loss, in the same way as we all react differently to love, pain, or fear. The best way to approach a grieving friend or relative is probably to try to make a sensible assessment of individual need. For some, this is impossible as they were close to the deceased themselves: grieving daughters and sons are often the last people who can provide practical help in the grieving process as they are themselves grieving.
For baby boomers facing the heartbreak of bereavement and loss, it is often a solitary road to recovery. The grieving process is certainly painful but for some who rush through it, the results can be disastrous and lead to further emotional damage.
Immediately following a death in the family it is always sensible to ‘step back’ from a grieving widow or widower to an extent. That is not to say you should barricade the door and bar all visitors! A little gentle social interaction is a good thing at this time but there are a few social guidelines to follow when visiting a bereaved person:
1. Do not avoid the subject of death. Trying to ignore it will give the impression of reducing its importance.
2. Do not outstay your welcome. Grief requires substantial weeping and the crying process is important. Some baby boomers are uncomfortable with public tears, so remember to call in briefly but try to limit your stay to an hour.
3. Put the grieving person first. If you have problems of your own save them for another time. Keep the conversation gentle and chatty without being too carefree.
4. Do not make insistent invitations to social gatherings. If the person refuses, leave it and ask again the next time. Allow the person to make up their own mind about when they are ready to be sociable again.
The Psychological Article on Overcoming Grief and Loss in Later Life is part of Boomer Yearbook’s continuing series of baby boomers psychological coaching tips and how to alleviate elderly problems. We believe knowledge is power. We’d love to hear what you think.
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