Kubler Ross: Stages of Grief

By Boomeryearbook.com

Grief and loss is hard for anyone. For people who have lived most of their lives with their partner, it is incredibly difficult; for people who re-married late in life and subsequently lost their partner through illness and death, it can seem just as hard as they feel they had too little time with their partner. Widows who are baby boomers and also widowers might require special help to overcome grief and get back on the road to emotionally healthy living as early as possible.

As always, when addressing the problem of grief and loss, time is the key to healing the pain. Baby boomers with a history of affection with a lifelong partner might face a life change that they might not necessarily be prepared for. At these times it is important to recognize and acknowledge that a period of reflection is helpful.

When dealing with grief and loss, friends and family who are close to the bereaved sometimes press for an immediate change of environment to help accelerate the healing process. While suggestions are nearly always made with the bereaved person’s best interests at heart, it is not always beneficial to pull the person away from familiar surroundings and the comfort of warm memories.

Each grieving person is different and reacts differently to loss, in the same way as we all react differently to love, pain, or fear. The best way to approach a grieving friend or relative is probably to try to make a sensible assessment of individual need. For some, this is impossible as they were close to the deceased themselves: grieving daughters and sons are often the last people who can provide practical help in the grieving process as they are themselves grieving.

For baby boomers facing the heartbreak of bereavement and loss, it is often a solitary road to recovery. The grieving process is certainly painful but for some who rush through it, the results can be disastrous and lead to further emotional damage.

Immediately following a death in the family it is always sensible to ‘step back’ from a grieving widow or widower to an extent. That is not to say you should barricade the door and bar all visitors! A little gentle social interaction is a good thing at this time but there are a few social guidelines to follow when visiting a bereaved person:

1. Do not avoid the subject of death. Trying to ignore it will give the impression of reducing its importance.

2. Do not outstay your welcome. Grief requires substantial weeping and the crying process is important. Some baby boomers are uncomfortable with public tears, so remember to call in briefly but try to limit your stay to an hour.

3. Put the grieving person first. If you have problems of your own save them for another time. Keep the conversation gentle and chatty without being too carefree.

4. Do not make insistent invitations to social gatherings. If the person refuses, leave it and ask again the next time. Allow the person to make up their own mind about when they are ready to be sociable again.

The Psychological Article on Overcoming Grief and Loss in Later Life is part of Boomer Yearbook’s continuing series of baby boomers psychological coaching tips and how to alleviate elderly problems. We believe knowledge is power. We’d love to hear what you think.

 
Boomer Yearbook is a Social Network and Psychological Articles for Baby Boomers. Connect with old and new friends, or expand your mind and ward off senior moments and elderly problems with dream analysis and online optical illusions and brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join other Baby Boomers to stay informed, receive weekly Newsfeeds, and let your opinions be heard. Baby boomers changed the world. We’re not done yet!

Elderly Problems: Surviving Death of Spouse

By Boomeryearbook.com

For the baby boomer generation, the loss of a spouse is something you have an even chance of suffering in later years. Those who are on the surviving end of the process can sometimes feel the effects of bereavement with such severity that they wish they had been the one to die.

The sadness of losing a long term partner, wife or husband is hard to describe for those who have not been through the experience. A baby boomer going through the process of grieving for a lost partner finds it difficult to believe that life will eventually improve but of course it can and usually does.

Added to the difficulty and sadness of grief is sometimes the exhaustion that is involved in a long spell of nursing a sick partner closely followed by the necessary organization of a funeral that might involve meeting and greeting an army of people and providing hospitality at a time when catering is the last thing you want to think about.

When all the ceremony of death is finally over and the flowers and ribbons have been cleared from the hallway, bereavement finally finds a gateway and many widows and widowers find this calm after the storm the most difficult to face. The annoyance of over tactful and well meaning friends tip toeing through the house and avoiding any conversation which includes the word ‘death’ or ‘illness’ can be enough to drive a sane baby boomer to complete madness and so the bereaved person turns to solitude for comfort.

Although the period following death should include a time of reflection and memories, it should be understood that too much can be harmful. There is a happy middle ground between healthy grieving and morbid obsession. This balance must be found and the grieving process healthily addressed to allow life to move forward and embrace the changes that are necessary.

After a few weeks, the issue of moving on might be diplomatically approached by friends and family, although too hard a push at this point might result in some anxiety so it is well to avoid being over enthusiastic. The best way forward is the suggestion of a few options; especially if finances suggest a move is unavoidable. However, leave the matter open until the subject is raised again voluntarily by the bereaved person. If after another week there is no change; try again.

A baby boomer bereavement period is also difficult for friends close enough to be affected by the person’s obvious distress. A slow and gentle but firm resolve is required to help someone through this painful but sadly inevitable experience. Taking the time to consult a professional on grief counseling is always a good idea and can certainly help everyone through the process.

Waiting for the sun to come out after the death of someone close always seems to take ages and can sometimes be a protracted ritual but life does eventually pick up again and move forward. Life does go on, after all…And remember these steps:

AdaptAbility

Surviving the Loss of a Spouse is part of Boomer Yearbook’s continuing series of baby boomers psychological coaching tips and how to alleviate elderly problems. We believe knowledge is power. We’d love to hear what you think.

 
Boomer Yearbook is a Social Network and Psychological Articles for Baby Boomers. Connect with old and new friends, or expand your mind and ward off senior moments and elderly problems with dream analysis and online optical illusions and brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join other Baby Boomers to stay informed, receive weekly Newsfeeds, and let your opinions be heard. Baby boomers changed the world. We’re not done yet!

Baby Boomers Taoist guide to alleviating elderly problems

By Boomeryearbook.com

The Tao Te Ching is a sacred text containing eighty one verses that were dictated by a self-realized man, Lao Tzu. Lao Tzu lived approximately five hundred years before the birth of Jesus – the Tao Te Ching is the most widely translated body of text after the Bible and its eighty one verses are believed to be the ultimate commentary on living a harmonious life by observing nature – this seems to be exactly what the doctor prescribed for the Seventy-six million baby boomers.

35th verse: She who is centered in the Tao can go where she wishes, without danger. She perceives the universal harmony, even amid great pain, because she has found peace in her heart. Music or the smell of good cooking may make people stop and enjoy. But words that point to the Tao seem monotonous and without flavor. When you look for it, there is nothing to see. When you listen for it, there is nothing to hear. When you use it, it is inexhaustible – S. Mitchell translation

This verse of the Tao Te Ching is asking us to contemplate on our definition of pleasure and what activities do we generally engage in to gain pleasure. Normally people would enlist activities that relate to the senses in order to find joy and pleasure – listening to your favorite music, playing a particular sport or having a delectable meal. There is certainly no problem with enjoying a particular sport or listening to music; however, problems start to crop up when we become totally dependent on these pursuits. A sure way to create imbalance in one’s life is to make worldly activities the only source of happiness and joy – aren’t our tabloids and gossip columns littered with stories of famous people who fall prey to drugs, alcohol and an insatiable addiction to plastic surgery, faster cars and people’s attention? We baby boomers need to wrap our heads around the truth that any thing that we desire “more” of has become our own self-created prison. Our egos trick us into believing that our happiness, peace, sense of self and security is dependant on getting a little “more” of X. The joy of our favorite music, our favorite sport and our favorite meal always withers away in a matter of minutes… leaving us wanting more. In the words of a great mystic, “Bliss is true happiness. What you call happiness is just misery in disguise. What you call happiness is nothing but entertainment, pleasure. It is momentary — it cannot be true. Truth has to have one quality, and the quality is of eternity. If something is true it is eternal; if it is untrue it is momentary”.

Lao Tzu is helping us do just that by asking us to move beyond all pleasures of the senses and seek true happiness and pleasure. He asks us to be in a state of bewilderment and awe. The Tao silently sits behind and renews everything . Every thing that the senses consume is recycled, renewed and brought to life again in a different form by the unseen and inexhaustible Tao. Being in awe of this almost magical and mystical process is the key to moving beyond the pleasures of the senses. This is what the Sufi mystic, Jalaluddin Rumi, meant when he said, “Sell your cleverness and sell all your knowledge and buy bewilderment. Cleverness is mere opinion, bewilderment is intuition. One comes to God through being bewildered.”

Most baby boomers, will be able to relate to the analogy that attempting to satisfy our desires through worldly things is like trying to walk faster and faster while not being aware that we have wings and can fly. Once we do realize we can fly, we will see the foolishness in wanting to walk faster – we will also be stunned by the birds eye from up above. Can any street, house or shopping mall on the ground equal that? The same is true for when we start looking at the world and our lives from a “Tao-perspective”. We Baby Boomers, should continue to enjoy and relish being on the ground and having a well-cooked meal or listening to great music – but we should never forget that we can always spread our wings and touch the sky.

Psychological Articles as Solutions to Types of Discrimination

Boomer Yearbook is a Social Network and Psychological Articles for Baby Boomers. Connect with old and new friends, or expand your mind and ward off senior moments and elderly problems with dream analysis and online optical illusions and brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join other Baby Boomers to stay informed, receive weekly Newsfeeds, and let your opinions be heard. Baby boomers changed the world. We’re not done yet!

Family Generations Living Together

By Boomeryearbook.com

Whether you are a senior or a baby boomer in middle age with an elderly relative residing in your home, the problems of keeping everybody happy can be punctuated by disagreements and fallouts as a result of trying to accommodate different generations in the same house.

People of all ages value their independence and privacy. Sometimes, either through budget restrictions or the layout of the home, it is not possible to provide as much discretion as you would like to an elderly resident or even to a younger teenager or child. The generations have to learn to cohabit peacefully, therefore, sometimes emotional pressures get the better of everyone.

The best way forward in these situations is to know when to try to arbitrate. There is no point in making a heated interjection in the middle of a full scale battle over who uses the bathroom too often and for too long. The discussion needs to be deferred until all parties are calm and receptive and this could be a matter of minutes, hours or even days if your aging baby boomer relative is particularly stubborn! It is not important when the discussion takes place, as long as it eventually does.

It is also important to know whether to interfere in the relationship that exists between the generations in your home. There is a natural ‘pecking order’ in most families and disturbing this delicate framework can sometimes be disastrous. It is always more sensible not to interfere unless things are getting nasty. Allow family members to conduct their own disagreements up to a point; after all, nobody can live in complete harmony all of the time!

When talking to members of the family about a disagreement that has turned ugly, deliberately introduce references to the love that exists between the two parties and the respect that is necessary to nurture that love. The cause of the disagreement is rarely of significant importance; it is more likely to be the pressure of living together that has caused the problem rather than a single incident. Gloss over the cause and try to deal with what happens next rather than dwelling on where to lay the blame for the disagreement.

Taking sides is rarely productive when dealing with disputes between aging baby boomer members of the family and other people who are younger. The elderly person will resent you for showing such disrespect and the younger will take shameless advantage if you show a preference. If you support the elder’s point of view, you will alienate the younger person, so you really cannot win! Try to be general in your opinions and concentrate on emphasizing the need for everyone to make an effort rather than one in particular.

A good idea after such incidents is always to try to create some space between the two parties for a while, to allow warm tempers to cool and to enable a period of reflection – until the next time!

Being a Referee: Arbitration in Family Disputes
is part of Boomer Yearbook’s continuing series of baby boomers psychological coaching tips and how to alleviate elderly problems. We believe knowledge is power. We’d love to hear what you think.

Boomer Yearbook is a Social Network and Psychological Articles for Baby Boomers. Connect with old and new friends, or expand your mind and ward off senior moments and elderly problems with dream analysis and online optical illusions and brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join other Baby Boomers to stay informed, receive weekly Newsfeeds, and let your opinions be heard. Baby boomers changed the world. We’re not done yet!