Psychological Articles and Coaching Tips for Baby Boomers to Avoid and Alleviate Elderly Problems
These series of Boomer Yearbook’s articles explore the weird and wonderful structures that can happen within families of second and third marriages along with the psychological dangers and coaching solutions to giving preference or spoiling some children who have enjoyed longer/closer familial associations (i.e., daughter’s children closer to the grandparents than the son’s, etc), and the difficulties and joys of ‘newbie” blended relationships….Boomer Yearbook’s Guide to Yours, Mine, and Ours coaching strategy for the baby boomer generation.
Grandchildren, as most baby boomers will confirm, are one of life’s special blessings. Some grandchildren, however, are more of a blessing than others – sad but true! Do we treat some grandchildren differently to others? Of course we do! Do we admit it? Of course we don’t!
The children of daughters are often a little closer to the maternal grandparents, usually due to the way they are raised by the mother. Conventionally, a mother takes all her child rearing skills from her own mother, although of course there are exceptions. It is quite common to see some conflict between the maternal grandmother and the son’s wife where the raising of the grandchildren is concerned. The clashes are easy to spot.
For baby boomers who raised their children on a strict bedtime routine, it is hard to watch grandchildren being allowed to roam about the house until midnight ‘freely expressing’ their desire to interact with adults late at night. Women who have a talent for maternal skills might take a stern view of a daughter-in-law who allows her children to wear soiled clothing or skip school or behave rudely in public. In contrast, the problem might be the opposite – a mother who is super-skilled, making the grandparents feel inadequate and ineffective.
Psychological articles from the schools of Attachent Relational and Positive Psychology that study the relationships between in-laws point out clearly the conflict that might prompt the grandparents to treat one set of grandchildren differently to another. Baby boomers who spend a significant amount of time childminding might certainly be closer to those grandchildren than the children of another son or daughter, who perhaps live further away.
Attachment Relational Psychological Model of 'The Self'
For the children involved in this human dilemma, difficulties arise when the two sets of grandchildren are given the opportunity to meet in the company of the grandparents; a situation which happens at perhaps Christmas time or Thanksgiving. Children are both perceptive and reactive; they notice instantly when their experience of a grandparent is different to that of another child. For baby boomers in this kind of family structure, it is easy to fall into a trap where they can be accused of favoring one child more than another.
The best policy is to treat grandchildren equally at every opportunity. Psychological articles confirm that although a closer relationship to a child living nearer to their home is unavoidable, common sense directs that other grandchildren can be easily included. This does not mean spending large amounts of money on gifts and treats but rather spending time getting to know the grandchildren one rarely sees.
It is important to treat children equally and at an early age if they are to feel valued and have a solid relationship with their cousins. When such situations are handled in a sensible manner, a deep and long lasting friendship can develop between the younger members of the family, whether they meet only once a year or have the opportunity to interact on a regular basis.
The Psychological Article on Remembering to Treat Grandchildren Equally: The Pitfalls is part of Boomer Yearbook’s continuing series of baby boomers psychological coaching tips and how to alleviate elderly problems. We believe knowledge is power. We’d love to hear what you think.
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Tags: baby boomer, Elderly Problems, positive psychology, Psychological Articles