Lack of trust can kill any relationship. If a partner has cheated in the past or has a habit of lying then the inability to trust them is understandable. In fact in such cases the entire relationship may have to be re-evaluated. However, if one of the partners constantly doubts the other’s fidelity without having any justified reason to do so, then lack of trust is not just unfair to the other person but can also have disastrous consequences for the relationship.
If you find yourself constantly questioning your partner’s affections and motives, have a habit of cross checking their claims and statements with a third person, spy on them for no reason and have frequent arguments over your mistrusting nature, then you may be suffering from a chronic lack of trust. You are probably aware that your lack of trust has nothing to do with your partner; it’s like a bad habit, which has become a part of your personality. But the problem is that your habit probably hurts your partner more than you realize and before you know your relationship will start falling apart right in front of your eyes.
Causes of lack of trust
Your habit of mistrusting people who profess to love you could have its roots in your past. The following are some of the most common causes of this problem:
Emotional hurt—If in any of your previous relationships your partner cheated on you and you felt deeply hurt by the betrayal, it is possible that you moved on to the next relationship, without resolving your feelings. In such a case you might constantly compare your present partner with your ex and use your “lack of trust” as a defense mechanism against heartbreak.
History of betrayal- If you have been too naive and trusting in the past, it’s possible a lot of people may have taken you for a ride. This may have forced you to move to the other extreme of mistrusting anyone who tries to come close to you.
Childhood trauma- The experiences we go through as children play a huge role in shaping our personalities. If as a child you witnessed a parent’s infidelity or a bitter divorce, chances are that you will grow up into a person with a deep mistrust for people who profess to love you.
Conditioning- If a child is brought up by a single parent who was at receiving end of betrayal by his her partner; it’s possible that the parent might have unconsciously passed on generalized negative beliefs about the opposite sex to the child.
Low self esteem- A person suffering from low self-esteem might feel that they do not deserve the attention, care, and concern of anyone. They therefore have problems trusting the positive, healthy, and loving behavior of people around them and their negative self-talk forces them to look for an ulterior motive behind the most sincere actions.
How to start trusting again
If you can identify with any of these problems and want to learn to trust people again, without the constant fear of being taken advantage of, you need to let go of the past and make a fresh start. Practicing positive affirmations is one of the simplest ways to unlearn the old and learn a new way of living.
Your beliefs are a result of your repeated past experiences which cause conditioned patterns and perceptions. Positive affirmations involve persistently exposing yourself to new ideas, till your mind absorbs them as new internalized belief systems. The following affirmations will help you unlearn old patterns and accept new ideas about life and yourself.
Stand in front of a mirror and repeat each affirmation at least 30-40 times daily. A better idea would be to focus on one affirmation for a week and then move to the next one.
“I love and accept myself the way I am”
“I deserve to love and to be loved”
“It’s safe for me to love people and allow them to love me”
“I feel safe and trust the process of life to bring me the best, because that’s what I deserve”
“I let go of the past and welcome the future with open arms”
Practice these affirmations till they become a part of your new belief system.
When you refuse to trust people you stop life from bringing forth the possibilities of love and happiness that could be in store for you. When you live in fear of being let down, you miss the opportunity to love and feel loved. Give life a chance, after all it’s better to find love and lose it than live without knowing how beautiful love is.
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