
Co-Dependency Alanon
People who have been married a long time, especially those who are old enough to experience elderly problems, have usually fallen into a routine with their husbands or wives. It is true that the first flush of passion usually steps aside to allow a more mellow affection in later years and occasionally this comfortable friendship can lead to a certain amount of carelessness between long term spouses and partners.
The first signs of alcohol dependency in a partner can be a passing observation of your husband or wife having ‘one too many’ drinks at a social gathering and then repeating the process at every opportunity. Watch for it and take note of it…
Alcohol dependence can begin with having one or two drinks before leaving for an evening with friends, instead of waiting to have a drink in the company of others. This need for alcohol to provide the ‘buzz’ of sociability can be an early warning that all is not well. Elderly problems are certainly not the cause of alcoholism in the elderly but sometimes the symptoms of elderly problems can cloud a more serious addiction to alcohol.
Alcoholism is a cruel and invasive condition that all too often lulls the sufferer into believing he or she is not in any immediate danger of addiction. Once the addict finally understands he is the throes of an addiction, he might pursue a program of denial for some time before finally admitting he needs help to restore his ability to say no to alcohol. Elderly problems can sometimes complicate this process but with gentle encouragement from a marriage partner the elderly addict can arrive at the point of seeking help as promptly as anyone else.
While the alcoholic is in this tragic stage of denial, all of his or her relationships, including long term friendships and associations with business colleagues, are at risk of breaking down. The addict begins to display unpleasant character traits such as dishonesty – telling lies when the truth will suffice; duplicity – making excuses for being unable to attend work or attend to family commitments; the ability to set aside every consideration other than the need to find another drink.
Most successful marriages are based on trust, love and friendship. Alcoholism actively threatens the alcoholic’s ability to be trusted; to offer affection and also to be a reliable friend. Almost all of the basic requisites for a successful marriage are compromised by an alcoholic addiction. It is hardly surprising then that so many alcoholics land in the divorce courts either prior to, during or after attending a recovery program.
The human desire to survive is as finely tuned in the wife or husband of an alcoholic as it is in the alcoholic himself. A person who has been lied to and abused for years, while his or her husband or wife drank away life savings and the means to pay the household bills can hardly be blamed for wanting to leave, even if the alcoholic is well on the way to recovery.
An Alcohol has a lot to answer for, but it is also imperative that the partner seek out help and support such as an Alanon program.
The Effects of Alcoholism on a Marriage is part of Boomer Yearbook’s continuing series of baby boomers psychological coaching tips and how to alleviate elderly problems. We believe knowledge is power. We’d love to hear what you think.
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